Aries: Bear Necessities will be closed every time you go. My condolences.

Taurus: Clara will put a little extra love in your drink this month. You deserve it.

Gemini: Arnett isn’t the only building with snakes in it. Be careful with those you surround yourself with this month.

Cancer: Graham Central Station is your destiny.

Leo: Do not ask for whom the bell tolls. You’ll be late class.

Virgo: You’ll be running out of sticky notes. Be sure to get some.

Libra: The Topper Ready book you forgot to opt out of will come in handy this month.

Scorpio: Jenny at WeBurg will remember your name this month. It’ll warm your heart.

Sagittarius: Topper Idol will grant you fortune. I say to go and see what happens.

Capricorn: The ceramics studio holds some kind of life changing event. Try Clay Club.

Aquarius: It’s a secret. Sorry. :/

Pisces: It’s almost your birthday season. Remember this is a DRY campus.

*These horoscopes are entirely satirical and should not be taken as legitimate advice. Like the title of this section says, this is just for fun.